Applying my own teachings to myself

I push my creative writing students to write, just write, just sit down and do it, because "Writing is a tool for thinking," as one of the NCTE's Guidelines for the Teaching of Writing states. Teachers call it "reflective writing" -- to do something or read something, then write about it as a way to tell ourselves what we think. It seems strange, the idea that we might not know what we think until we tell ourselves. But it's true.

As I begin to reflect on my experience of exploring Alabama, I can say in all earnest that my mind is weary of the subject. I have been immersing myself in this subject for almost ten months now. Traveling, alone, then coming home to work some more on prepping some of the sights and sounds for other people to take in. Spending hours in the car, alone, often with the windows down, on remote roads in places I had never been. Listening to podcasts and reading books, getting into other people's ideas about this subject: Alabama. So what do I now think?

I think a few Alabamians sold our souls to way too many devils long ago, and that we are now begging not to have the sins of the fathers visited on the sons. No matter how many books I read or people I have talked to, I have not been able to understand why so many leaders and politicians in Alabama dug in so deeply to preserve a racist social system that was clearly destroying so much that could have been good. I get that the plantation owners wanted the free labor from their slaves, but why did they let that drive them so far as to engage in an un-winnable Civil War, to defy the kind and charitable principles of their religion, and end up totally annihilated politically and economically? Same with the Civil Rights movement/Wallace years. All the accounts I read said the same thing, that Wallace knew he was only stalling the inevitable, that he couldn't deliver what he was promising. But their hardheadedness set our state up to be so many negative things: a place with an abundance of poorly educated people who attract low-wage, exploitative, outside-ownership industries, a place that sells its abundant land and rivers as dumping grounds for other states' garbage, and a place where the governmental system is so ossified that substantial change is almost impossible. And for what? To gain what? Nothing, and often worse than nothing. Our unemployment rate is still among the highest in the nation, our already poorly funded schools are getting cut even more since unemployment shot up, we refused charter schools then lost out on "Race to the Top," and also shunned revenue possibilities from gambling, again.

But Alabama is not all bad either. A "place" is more than its politics, its schools, or its statistical standing. Somehow, within the worst possible circumstances, Alabamians keep on trucking. These proud people -- who are among the least educated, most obese, and most exploited in the nation -- exist daily in a complex culture that is mired in delicious food, quirky characters, deep-seated cultural misunderstandings, violence and murder, sadistic humor, great storytelling, and beautiful landscapes. Why else stay here? If the big picture is the worst case scenario, then the day-to-day living is among the best . . . except for the violence/murder thing, of course. However, I have always said, people are whole lot nicer if they know someone will kill them for doing wrong. Just the Misfit says in "A Good Man is Hard to Find."

I thought, when I began this project, that I was going to figure out Alabama. But Alabama beat me, hands-down, pretty quickly. Alabama knocked me out in the first round and put me in my place. For any modern-day Carl Carmer or wanna-be James Agee who might want to come down and figure us out, to explain it to the rest of the "civilized" world . . . good luck!

Another aspect of this project was teaching myself about new media. I almost died a few times when I lost control of my car on some rural road while trying to take video and drive at the same time. I don't think it's a skill I'll continue to use, or teach. About podcasting, it was okay . . . I like interviewing people, but I found that, when someone knows it is going to be published, he or she clams up and gives very guarded answers. So, I doubt if I will ever become a podcaster. But I will teach some of the skills I learned in video and sound, just the safe ones. On the flip side, I will admit that I have liked blogging, much more than I thought I would. It always goes back to the writing for me.